But Not For Me
by planetarygirl
Summary: Ever since Nanami and Tomoe started dating, Mizuki has been feeling a little blue. One shot inspired by Chet Baker. [set after ch.100, slightly divergent from canon, but still Tomoe x Nanami.]


**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

But Not For Me.

_[They're writing songs of love, but not for me._]

Mizuki hadn't been around much in the last few days. It's not like _anyone_ noticed – after all, what did he mean for all those people?

_I am Nanami's familiar. Nothing else. No one else._

Mikage had respected his wishes for privacy. Onikiri e Kotetsu only saw him while he worked silently on the chores of the temple – he wasn't even brewing sake anymore. He should have been, but… _Nanami doesn't drink; Mikage has already drank too much and… _He shook his head. He certainly wasn't about to give anything to the fox. He shook his head again even more vehemently, as if to wipe away the painful truth: that _damn youkai_ already had won too much.

* * *

He avoided Nanami at all costs.

Not because of her, of course, as he wouldn't want nothing more as to see her (_and hold her and kiss her and have her in any other way…)_ but because he couldn't stand how that _damn fox_ grinned at him every time he caught him staring at her.

Mizuki would have fought him, if he didn't knew it was an already lost battle. He couldn't pretend that he didn't know that Nanami loved him from the start, but he had hoped… for a different outcoming.

She went to the past to save him (Mizuki likes to think that she would have done the same for him too) and returned with a new relationship between them. They were _dating_ and whatever hope he had was now gone through the window at seeing her complete happiness with him.

Of course, every now and then he would peek at her, from other room, when the two of them were distracted. He had to make sure she was happy, after all. It wasn't only a familiar's duty… but also his heart's duty. If that _damn fox_ slipped up, even once… he knew he had to be ready to pick her up.

He would look, from a small gap on the door, or maybe a discrete hole in the wall. He knew that the _damn youkai_ would know he were watching and bask in his victory, but it was a price to be paid. If he ever so much wronged her in any way, he wanted to be the first to beat him up.

The familiar couldn't deny that it hurted whenever he saw her smile. It was, of course, what he desired to see – Nanami's smile could light his heart in a way that only Yonomori ever could. But they both broke him in ways that couldn't be compared. It hurt to see her smile belong to the fox.

He remembered her tearful hug when she decided to go back to the past and save that _damn fox's skin. _She promised him that she would forever be there for him, that he wouldn't be lonely again.

But his heart couldn't deny that he felt nothing but abandoned when she lied her head on that _damn fox_'s lap. She giggled and his hands carefully went through her hair. Mizuki couldn't help but look at them when he kissed her and his heart stung again. He quickly closed his eyes.

Even when he made the contract with her… the only kiss they'd ever shared… she had been asleep. And slapped him for doing it, even tough his only wish was to protect her.

That kiss had been the most powerful experience Mizuki had ever encountered in his life, though. It gave him chills and a light blush just think of it, her soft lips, her faint breath. It had been pure, so chaste and left him wanting so, so much more. It didn't compare to the one he witnessed a moment ago: what he saw was passion at work.

_That damn fox._

Mizuki retired to his chamber and dreamed of another universe, one where Yonomori was still alive and Nanami was his wife. He grinned during his sleep and when Onikiri passed through the room, it gave him hope that the familiar had been slowly getting accostumed to the situation.

* * *

Mizuki did not expect it to rain and apparently, neither did Nanami, seeing that she had forget her umbrella at the shrine. The familiar pondered the situation for a moment. Maybe he had time for a quick run to the school? He could leave the umbrella… and maybe… Nanami would speak to him again.

He had abandoned the silent treatment a while ago. He couldn't help wanting to hear her voice, to have her answer in the most sweet of the tones. When he thought of apologizing for having disappeared, he rapidly found that it was not necessary, as she hadn't really noticed that he were sad at her in the first place.

He had learned to bear the fox's grin and to grit his teeth whenever he made a remark. He averted his eyes every time he touched her, but it seemed to him that it stung a little bit less now.

Or so he thought.

Mizuki took the umbrella in his hands and shift himself to a more normal, human appearance. He could deliver that and she'd be happy at him. "Thanks, Mizuki! You're so attentive!", she would say and smile. He would smile too.

He caught up with her in the middle of the way. She was oblivious to him, clinging to the _damn fox_'s waist, while he hugged her close, her entire body next to his, under one tiny umbrella. He felt stupid.

Mizuki considered himself a cunning snake, but after losing to Tomoe so many times, he came to think of the fox as a terribly sly adversary. He had vowed to blow Nanami's mind and be the top familiar of the shrine, but what did he expect?

Even a snake couldn't beat an youkai in his dirty game.

And Mizuki left as he came, almost unnoticed, except for the_ damn fox'_s eye on his back. He didn't have to turn to know that he was grinning at him.

* * *

"There you are, Mizuki!", she burst through the door of the temple unexpectedly. "I've been looking all over for you.".

He didn't even look at her, instead, he kept staring at the plum tree in front of him.

_Of course he'd be here_, Nanami thought to herself. She looked around at the temple and the image of that cute goddess inviting her to that old down shack flashbacked to her mind.

Since he'd been completely silent and still, Nanami decided to sit beside Mizuki and gently rest her head on his shoulder. The movement earned her an startled look, but he didn't move her out.

"Where's Tomoe?" and though he had asked, he wished now not to hear the answer if that meant she would lift her head from his shoulder.

"At the shrine. I came here alone.", her reply sounded like music to his ears and he smiled. The girl sensed an opening and continued talking. "You see, I was worried about one of my familiars. He hasn't been around that much and I do miss him terribly."

"Oh." There was a gulp. "So you've noticed."

"Did you truly think I wouldn't?"

He stood silent for a moment and Nanami sighed.

"I guess I never thanked you properly for helping me go back to the past, have I?"

He kept looking at the plum tree, still quiet. He wanted to bring himsel f to say that there was no need for it, but inside… he could feel a seed of regret taking roots in his heart. Nanami noticed that his attention was elsewhere and got up, walking towards the tree.

"I met lady Yonomori, there.", she said and Mizuki stiffened.

"R-really, Nanami-chan?"

It had been one of his greatest wishes… that his past love met his present love.

"We've become quite good friends. She helped me get out of the river and led me to her temple. She was truly like you said, the sweetest being.", Nanami turned to Mizuki and smiled. "Do you know what she showed me?"

"What?"

"Her most prized and loved posession… a familiar's egg."

Mizuki blushed. He missed lady Yonomori very badly.

"She told me she knew that he would be the best familiar one could hope for. And then she would have this beautiful shrine with red plums and… are you crying, Mizuki?".

He had been sniffling and the tears streamed down his cheek. Nanami approached him with care and carefully hugged him.

"I am so sorry that I made you think that I was neglecting you, Mizuki.", she said to him, quietly, his body trembling under her tight embrace. "I know that it must be hard for you… but I am really happy. And I am really happy that I got to meet lady Yonomori. She must be very proud of you."

He hugged her tighter and let his tears go, as if releasing himself from pain.

"I am happy that you are happy, Nanami-chan… and I'm really happy that you got to meet someone who was so important to me. I… I just miss you two.", he said, his voice coming out muffled. "And I really _hate that damn fox_."

Nanami smiled to him.

"I'll never make you feel abandoned again. Even if I can't be yours, I'll always be by your side, Mizuki, as I'm sure lady Yanomori is until this day…"

The hours passed, but slowly the familiar finally got himself under control. As they got up and returned to the temple together, Mizuki could feel his pain alleviating somehow. Time would go by slowly, but his pain would heal away, as it had done with lady Yanomori.

He would forever remember her plum trees and he would always remember Nanami's lips but they wouldn't hurt him anymore, because even though both of them were out of touch, they would always be there.

[_Although I can't dismiss the memory of her kiss… I guess she's not for me.]_

* * *

**Author's notes: **"But Not For Me", by Chet Baker. I've been listening to this song over and over again and the last line just stuck in my head. I like Mizuki and his one sided love, so I decided to indulge myself. I hope it's not too bad. Thank you for reading it.


End file.
